If You’re Going To Talk To Your Mistress, Do It Somewhere Classier Than Our Bathroom.

As I walk into the bathroom, I hear someone talking very excitedly into the phone in the closed-door stall. Curious, I listen in as I use the urinal.

Him: “Listen, baby, I’m here with my wife. How’s an hour sound?…Okay…Yea…Yea…No, that won’t work…Yea!…Okay, see you then.”

The look he gave me as he walked out of the stall and saw me washing my hands was one of first confusion and then fear. My expression nearly matched his as I realized this was the same man who just minutes ago I was serving onion soup and two Philadelphia sushi rolls to. I didn’t know this dude was my customer.

For the rest of the meal, the knot in my stomach made its way up into my throat as I saw this man affectionately kiss his wife, hold her hand with his left and feed his infant daughter steamed rice and cheerios with his right. I wonder if she had any idea. I wonder if their marriage was any good. I wonder if they laid in bed until 2 in the morning talking like my girlfriend and I do. I wonder if when he came back to the house he’d made a home, he showered before kissing his wife hello.

As they left, I heard the man say, “Okay, honey. I’ll catch up with you two at the house. I’ve gotta help Donald with something with his car.” She kissed him, smiled and walked out the front door and into her car. He stayed at the bar a few extra minutes and then jumped into his own car. I guess he’d thought ahead and brought two.

He was smiling too.

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18 Responses to If You’re Going To Talk To Your Mistress, Do It Somewhere Classier Than Our Bathroom.

  1. Allen says:

    I hope that guy dies on the job and his wife gets his million-dollar insurance policy. What a douchebag.

  2. Logan says:

    That is so depressing…makes me never want to get married…he should die painfully…

  3. Patrick says:

    I’m not into ruining anyone’s life here, but I would have said something. I can’t stand assholes that cheat on their wives.

  4. Lisa says:

    jerk.

    i agree with patrick =P haha..woulda served him right..

  5. James says:

    what a sick bastard

  6. Ashleigh says:

    That’s really awful, Ryan. I know I would have had a hard time with that. If he comes in again, you should really do something. No one deserves to be lied to like that.

  7. David Page says:

    Ryan, you might not want to put this up in case she sees it…..not promoting his activity, but i mean, you didnt say something the first time, so i suppose you decided not your place to act. still….you never know who’s reading.

  8. Johnny Crow says:

    Ryan, I dunno man it always seems interesting when you hear it through the bathroom stall, but once you see the wife and kids.. man that has to hurt. I am engaged myself. I love my woman very much, but that level of lying and being able to smile and be happy about it… what kind of person is that? I know it is hard to remove yourself from a situation sometimes. Wanting to help, but on the other hand not wanting to fuck with your customers. Personally I would want to do something, perhaps even outside of work… dude this post made me depressed, I hope you have something funny up next time… this is why I have douchbags like that guy who ruin it for the rest of us.

  9. Logan says:

    Maybe he was really going to meet Donald…and Donald is his baby…but of ocurse im only trying to look on a brighter side…which really isnt so bright now that i think of it…

    nope…still depressing…

  10. Jaclynn says:

    yeah, i think donald being his baby at least makes it a little bit funny.

    but yeah that story made me sad and sick at the same time.

  11. Lee Cady says:

    that guy’s a jerk,, cheater.. how could he do that?

  12. Manika says:

    ryan! this is the first time ive actually read the thing in your profile! im intrigued! (and a sad story this one was)

  13. Katie says:

    newsflash-60-70% of people cheat on their wives and husbands. its called, monogamy is not natural. it all seems sweet and nice since we are in our 20’s but i cant tell you how many miserable 30-somethings who are married i have encountered. the husband is browbeaten by his nagging wife who doesnt put out, and the wife has fooled herself into thinking shes happy to keep up appearances. welcome to america.

  14. Krissandra says:

    I’m glad you didn’t say anything. People’s lies get out on their own. And don’t worry about the lady. If he’s that stupid, chances are she already knows and is biding her time while her attorney puts a case together. She’s gotta put that baby through college somehow.

  15. Bill says:

    Dang Katie! You’re giving me flashbacks of Clerks II with Rosario Dawson talking about relationships and how monogamy isn’t natural and how “love and marraige” get in the way of our primal instict to have as much sex as possible. Cleaned it up a bit for the boards.

  16. Katie says:

    Hahaha well I didnt mean it like that but you could take it there. what did jeff foxworthy say? “getting married to have sex is like buying a 747 to get free peanuts”?

  17. Jessica says:

    You should have made a way to say something.

  18. Dan says:

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    as compared to textbooks, as I found this article at this web page.

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