Ma’am, We All Didn’t Need To Know That You Were, In Fact, A Prostitute.

I have some very exciting news coming up by the end of this month. Not Earth-shattering news, but really good news nonetheless. That, and I’ll hit 60,000 visitors total. For only being up a little over 5 months, that’s pretty good. As your reward, the drunken ramblings of a woman that comes in our restaurant every so often.

A woman in her late 30’s, early 40’s comes into our restaurant quite a bit. She gets excessively drunk and acts like a complete douche. The only reason we haven’t banned her from the place is because she always orders $50+ of food at one time and because she tips rather well.

She also lets little secrets slip about her personal life that we would otherwise not need to know, nor want to know.

For example:

Her: “Yea…when my husband met me, I was working as a prostitute. He picked me up and we’ve been together e’er since!”

Her: “Man, I got so much money, I don’t know what to do w’ it.”
Our Bartender: “How’d you get all that money?”
Her: “‘Cause I suck a mean…”
Our Bartender: “That’s quite alright, ma’am.”

Her: “You think these teeth get all pearly white on their own.”
Our Bartender: “Ummm…what?”
Her: “To get this white, you gots to…”
Our Bartender: “Whoa whoa whoa!”

Her: “I have a girl that’s about your age.”
Our Bartender: “But…that’s impossible…that would make you how old when you had h…”
Her: “12.”
Our Bartender: “Wow.”
Her: “Yea. Wow.”

And so on and so forth.